


He Looks Great, I Look A Mess

by brennivin



Series: You're Nobody 'Til Somebody Loves You [5]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Fallout: New Vegas
Genre: Bandages, Blow Jobs, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Comfort Sex, Crack, Insecurity, Joshua is needy and angsty, M/M, Medical Procedures, Meet-Cute, Post-Canon, Scars, Teleportation, Two old violent men feeling bad about themselves! yay, Wade is a hoe. what's new
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-10
Updated: 2018-06-10
Packaged: 2019-05-20 16:37:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14898137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brennivin/pseuds/brennivin
Summary: Some dumb crack ship I made up with my bf that ended up turning into a genuine thing I like. It's a bit long because I got so into these two as a comedy duo - they such a perfect funny-man and straight-man combo that I got all carried away.Fourth wall? Never heard of her.





	He Looks Great, I Look A Mess

Having travelled for two long days in the desert heat, Joshua needed to rest under shelter. His bones grew tired and his sensitive, scarred skin was itching under his bandages. He'd soon need to take them off to clean them, and change into a fresh wrapping.

 

Luckily he was able to find a shack as the sun was beginning to dip into the horizon – as it would soon become dark, he took this as his opportunity. It would be his first proper night's sleep since he'd left the Sorrows and Dead Horses.

 

A bare bulb flickered to life above him once he found the switch. It wasn't too bright, only emitting a soft yellow light. The room was in a better state of repair than he had anticipated. He cleared away a few empty bottles and discarded packaging that were scattered around, dropping them into a box that would serve decently as a garbage can for now. After flipping the mattress he was able to find it serviceable to sleep on – it had gathered a thin layer of dust, but the other side was relatively clean.

 

First thing first, Joshua ran some water into a bucket (after thoroughly washing it, as it too had been coated with dust) and began taking off his armour and clothing. He tended to do so in a particular fashion, removing each article delicately and folding it so that it could be neatly tidied away. As he no longer had anywhere to put them he tucked them into an empty space on a nearby bookshelf. Making himself feel at home was comforting; it made him feel as though he belonged somewhere, even when he felt he was not a man worthy of belonging amongst others. Of course, every man had his vices and sins but his were great and had earned him a deadly reputation. Even amongst company he found himself plagued by a tinge of loneliness as he was never truly able to connect.

 

He started by untucking a loose end on one wrist, unbinding each finger cautiously and examining the mosaic of scar tissue and still-healing flesh. His hands had mostly healed, save for one or two sore scabs embedded in his knuckles. It was something he was glad for, as handling a firearm would be difficult if he still had to bare a lot of pain. His forearms were dusted with further wounds that hadn't fully healed, and they stung as he peeled away the gauze.

 

He dropped the bandages into the water as he removed them, watching them sink to the bottom and scooping some of the cool liquid with his palms to wash the sensitive areas of his skin. The hot feeling of the scabbing being exposed to air was soothed by this. He breathed out his relief as he felt the itching and stinging sensations fade away.

 

He repeated the process with the other parts of his body that were still healing – his shoulders, knees and thighs, and his left foot. He removed the gauze that bound his lower torso, revealing his stomach and back to wash the tender new skin there. Some spots were starting to settle down, the pink and raw new flesh turning a more natural colour and hurting less every day. He may have been in pain, but felt safe in the knowledge that it wouldn't last forever. He breathed through his teeth as he pulled the waistband of his underwear down and unravelled the bandaging that covered his hips. The feeling of throbbing heat in his skin brought back memories of flames licking at his body, and he closed his eyes to better focus on his breathing. If he was careful he could avoid falling prey to these memories, but this was not always easy. He managed to steady himself, eventually working up the will to take the water to his pelvis and his left buttock.

 

Having tended to the wounds elsewhere on his body, he began to unwrap his face. He had almost completely healed here, save for a few streaks of skin on his cheeks that were still painful. However he felt he might continue to bandage his face even after it was fully healed. He wasn't a man to often feel shame for anything that he did, or that was done to him, but he was not yet at peace with his face. Looking at himself brought him a discomfort he couldn't explain. He needed to grow used to how his face looked now before he could show it to others.

 

He groaned with relief as he washed away the burning sensation in his cheeks, water trickling down his neck and onto his chest. He was finally finished with it.

 

He dried himself off, and got to work re-bandaging himself. Some parts wouldn't need to be bandaged the same way they were before – he could be less thorough with bandaging his hands, as his fingers felt healed enough to brave the open air. He also felt that the bandages he had crossed over his hips were not necessary anymore. After all, although the skin was still sensitive it wasn't outright hurting anymore to have his stomach and pelvis bare.

 

His arms and legs had to be wrapped up carefully, though. His forearms in particular, and his knees as well. Joshua was well aware of the risk of infection, and with his body's resistance to a lot of medical chems it was best to just be safe. If he were to find one of his still-healing wounds infected he would require a lot more than a single stimpak to treat it. Tucking the ends of the bandages in, he ensured that they were snugly wrapped and would not come loose.

 

“Damn, dude. You look almost as bad as I do.”

 

A mincing voice chimed from a dark corner and Joshua immediately reached for his .45 on instinct.

 

“Woah, woah! Come on now, no need for that-”

 

He fired into the space that the voice was coming from, hearing a choke of pain.

 

“Hey! That hurt!”

 

A man stepped out from the shadows, clad in leather similar to the vault suits he had seen out in the wastelands. However, this particular man was clad in red rather than the tell-tale vault-tec blue. A bullet wound smoked in his chest. Theoretically a shot to the lung with a bullet of this caliber should have floored him, and yet he still sauntered closer without any hindrance.

 

“I may not be a physician but I'm certain you should be down by now.”

 

“Oooh, what a low and husky voice you've got! You must be a real fan favourite with such a _sexy_ voice performance-”

 

“Care to explain to me who you are?”

 

The man giggled nervously, scratching at the back of his head where his mask was fastened together. “Okay, okay. You go first.”

 

“Graham. I'm Joshua Graham. Formerly I was the serving Legate of Caesar's Legion. Not anymore, though.” He gestured towards his body. “They've made a poor impression on me as of late.”

 

“Ah. They toasted you like a pop-tart, eh? I can deffo relate to that, J-dog. Is it okay if I call you J-dog?”

 

“No.”

 

“Okay... Josh?” He tried, and the half naked man shrugged. “Well, I'm Deadpool. Call me Wade if you'd like. You haven't heard of me since I'm actually from another reality.”

 

“What?”

 

“Yeah, yeah. I BAMF'd here, ya see. It's all very complicated lore stuff, to be honest. I wouldn't want to take the word count too far since the author's not exactly bathing in free-time.”

 

Joshua wasn't fully understanding what he was talking about, but chose not to address it. “So, you're not familiar with the wasteland?”

 

“Yeah, I mean... I came here because I've got some personal shit going on. I needed to unwind so I figured killing some radioactive giant bugs in the desert might cheer me up.” Deadpool, or Wade rather, was rummaging through the refrigerator. “I picked this shack to rest up but then I heard you coming and kinda hid on instinct. Sorry 'bout that. It served for a neat meet-cute scene, though.”

 

Wade took out a bottle of scotch and pinched a glass from a nearby shelf. He turned and gestured towards a second glass, inviting Joshua to drink with him.

 

“I will politely decline for now.” Joshua remarked as he reached into his pack for some bottled water.

 

Wade nodded and mumbled. “Ah, alright. It would be pretty lazy if the author just got us drunk anyway. That's an overused trope and he's totally used it before. No use getting lazy, Shal. You can do better than that. Make use of that writing qualification you slaved away for in college, champ.”

 

“To whom are you talking, Wade?”

 

“Ah, sorry. Never mind. It's nothing.” He bounced over to the couch that was next to Joshua's bed, and began pouring himself a drink on a pre-war side table.

 

Joshua watched the strange man peel back his mask up to the bridge of his nose. His skin was littered with little patches of scar tissue. He was the same – different of course, but also the same. As his gun was already in his hand he took this as an opportunity to eject the magazine and examine the pistol. He was particular about how he looked after his weapon, as he was his clothing.

 

After half a minute had gone by, Wade broke the silence yet again. It seemed that he was the type to revel in conversation.

 

“It's cute how you do that.”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Watching you look over your gun, all focused. It's cute, Josh.” Wade took a long sip of his scotch and Joshua noticed he had already come close to finishing his first glass. The man was also a quick drinker.

 

“Blessed is he who shows love and mercy for his enemy, Wade. If my weapon is in top shape it is more efficient with which to put my opponents out of their misery.”

 

Wade whistled at the intensity of his words. “Woah, God-man. You've got a real cold streak. I dig that, I really do.” He finished his drink. “I appreciate a guy who knows how to get his fuckin' kill on, ya know? You're a man after my heart. I'm a merc, myself.”

 

Joshua shifted nervously at his words. Overt flirtation wasn't something he had lately seen much of. Among the tribals he had been acting as war-chief for he had been the odd one out, and as a result hadn't been able to take part in any personal conversation. During his time with the Legion he had found himself in a fair share of flings and one-night stands. Many of the young legionaries he had been tasked with training and organising had been eager for his attention, and not only professionally. However, it had been some time.

 

“Aw, are you shy? Are you one of those bible-types who doesn't get any for purity or whatever?”

 

Joshua cut this down immediately, in his usual severe tone. “I am not a pure man, Wade. I may be a follower of religious teachings but we are only human and we all have our vices. So long as a man has a moral code, and believes in redemption he may be forgiven for his flaws.”

 

“Of course. Right.” He was filling his glass once more. “Not a fan of that old testament, eh? Me neither.”

 

It was a sweeping generalisation of what Joshua meant, but he supposed it wasn't exactly wrong. He nodded and finished examining his gun, placing it on the same shelf he had deposited his clothing on before rummaging in his pack for a blanket and some food. He found a box of Fancy Lad Snacks the courier had traded with him and offered one to Wade.

 

“Ooh, nuclear Twinkie-things!” He gratefully accepted the packaged cake from Graham, tearing it open. “Real sweet of you, Josh. Thanks.”

 

There was a period of quiet as they ate. It seemed that so long as Wade's mouth was full he was less obnoxious. Joshua shook the thought out of his head as it started to drift into more sinful territory. It wasn't proper to have those thoughts about somebody he had only just met.

 

It may not have been proper, but that hadn't stopped him before.

 

“Mmmf, mmm... that's tasty. You can barely taste the gamma rays. I wonder if you could become the Hulk eating enough of these.” He muttered, before abruptly downing the rest of his second drink. “Never mind that. Josh, I'm gonna level with you.”

 

He came over to sit on the mattress next to Joshua. His proximity was so sudden and unexpected that the man almost jumped away on reflex, but he stayed seated.

 

“You are captivating, and I'm not just saying that to move this fic along. Your voice is like _butter_. I could listen to you for hours and I really hope your voice actor gets paid real well for it. You're gorgeous. I mean it.”

 

Wade was pouring compliments at him for things he had normally considered simple traits of himself. His voice was rough and low because he spoke through bandages, and had injured his throat. It hadn't even occurred to him that it was attractive. Wade just continued.

 

“Your body? Geez, you may think those scars are ruining it for ya but for real... you're built in just the right way, man! Besides, I'm the same with scars all over and... Seriously. You don't have the right to be so attractive.” Bringing the bottle of scotch to his lips he took a heavy swig and licked the remaining liquid away. Joshua found himself staring at the other man's adam's apple as he drank, and at his lips as he lapped at the alcohol.

 

“And I'd be lying if I said the way you look at me didn't turn me the hell on.”

 

He was frozen by that last statement. It was hard to tell if Wade was merely loosened by the alcohol or if he was normally this forward.

 

“I could treat you right, Josh. If that's what you want.”

 

Wade was suddenly close enough that he could feel his breath and Joshua wasn't sure what to say in response for a moment.

 

“Wade, if you desire intimacy with me... I am willing.”

 

“God, I love how you talk, Josh.”

 

He didn't allow Joshua to reply though, seemingly more interested in how he tasted. He leaned in and latched his mouth over the other's, the taste of alcohol and sweet cake overpowering the senses. Without thinking, Joshua moaned and the masked man took this as an opportunity to plunder him with his tongue.

 

Wade's embrace held him close as he struggled to keep up, overwhelmed and vulnerable. It had been quite some time, and he had been taken off guard. He normally tended to be in a dominant position but this man was taking him with reckless abandon. The bandaging on his face made things awkward but Wade was relentless in his pursuit.

 

Joshua felt he ought to indulge himself. A lack of sex had initially been a minor annoyance for him, but right now he felt he needed it. Wade muttered profanities into his wrappings, teasing with his tongue at the parts of his skin that weren't covered. He shivered and melted into the man's touch.

 

Without thinking, he grabbed at the back of Wade's head. The mask that covered half of his face began to slip off and eventually he shook it off completely. Scar tissue peppered his skin like a mosaic of violence, and Joshua felt his joints relax further at his honesty – he really was scarred all over. The outlines of his face created a handsome shape, though. The texture of his cheek against Joshua's chest agonisingly beautiful as he felt every inch of bare skin he could find on the legate's body. He let out a groan as teeth traced his naval.

 

“The sounds you make. I like 'em. Gonna make you scream.” Wade talked into his skin, the filthy implications of his words causing a dizziness. It felt as if reality were slipping and sliding around him as he wriggled off his glove and reached a bare hand into Joshua's underwear.

 

The mercenary's rough palm made for an interesting texture against his sensitive skin. Wade wriggled the other's cock out of his underwear and stared at it with open adoration, thumbing along the border of the scar tissue that passed his mons pubis and distorted the flesh. The scarring stopped a couple of inches from the base, the flush of the tip only emphasised by it.

 

“So cute.” Again, he didn't give Joshua any time to answer. Immediately he caught the head between his lips and lapped at the sensitive underside. It was so sudden and intense that Joshua arched his back from the mattress, a low moan escaping him.

 

Glancing downward he noticed that Wade's eyes were fixed firmly on him, watching his reactions as he took his cock a few inches further into his mouth. One hand had slipped into his form-fitting leather pants. His head filled up with heat, but not the predatory lashing heat of flames this time. This heat was sweaty and injected with desire.

 

Making a sound in his throat like the taste of Joshua was enough to get him off, Wade sucked dutifully and took him in deeper. His mouth was good for more than idle banter, or so it seemed. Unable to contain himself, the legate made desperate and raspy sounds every time his cock slipped into the back of Wade's throat. Of _course_ he didn't gag. Instead, he took the entire length all the way to the hilt and swallowed around it. It was enough to push the man over the edge.

 

Joshua came with a grunt, rolling his hips against the other's face as he spilled into his throat. The mercenary gleefully swallowed and licked him clean as his erection began to soften against his tongue. He didn't slow the pace of his fist on his own cock, gasping and resting his head on Graham's lap as he brought himself to orgasm. He twitched and made a a blissed-out face as he came into his own hand.

 

-

 

“Wade, tell me. Are you tired?”

 

He was wiping his hands off on a pocket napkin when Joshua asked him. “Sure, a little bit.”

 

Joshua nodded. “I need to rest, myself. Do you wish to remain for the night?”

 

“Well, sure.” He grinned, eyes gleaming. “I'm the big spoon, though.”

 

He sighed, exasperated.

 


End file.
